90 Day Fiance’s Kalani Says the Mormon Church ‘F–ked Up’ Her Views of Sex: It Was ‘Never for Me’

90 Day Fiancé’s Kalani Faagata recently got candid about how growing up under the Mormon church affected her views of sex in marriage.

In a Q&A session on her Instagram Stories on Wednesday, October 18, Kalani, 35, responded to a fan who asked if her time with the Mormon church “f–ked [her] up when it comes to sex.” The 90 Day: The Last Resort star, who grew up in a Mormon family, wrote that her childhood home had a book from the church bookstore about “‘healthy’ sex in marriage” that changed the way she viewed sex in relationships.

“[It] talked about how to be a good wife, you ‘sacrifice’ giving it up even if you don’t feel like it,” Kalani explained. “[It] talked about how, biblically, husbands are entitled to your body. No consent needed. That men ‘need’ sex, and women can take it or leave it.”

The reality TV personality continued on to say that the book made her feel like sex was never “for” her. “I figured sometimes it was better to just turn my head, cry and pinch arm to try to leave my body,” she added.

“Then you add the church’s teachings of the importance of saving yourself and all the ‘no one wants a licked cupcake’ or ‘no one wants a chewed stick of gum’ rhetoric,” she concluded. “Yeah, me and my therapist had an interesting time breaking that down.”

On October 9, Kalani accused husband Asuelu Pulaa of sexual assault throughout their marriage, which began in 2017. She wrote in a text post on her Instagram Stories that, after meeting Asuelu, 28, during a trip to his native Samoa in 2016, the two had sex and intentionally got pregnant with their first son, Oliver, in May 2017. However, Kalani alleged that she got pregnant with their second son, Kennedy, in 2018 because she was “held down.”

“[Asuelu] apologized for that, and the other times I was SA – it’s recorded,” Kalani claimed. “You can imagine how it feels to get messaged about ‘taking responsibility and learning to keep my legs shut,’ when they were forced open.”

Asuelu did not immediately respond to In Touch’s request for comment.

Kalani and Asuelu’s story has been documented since 90 Day Fiancé season 6 in 2018. The couple is currently starring on 90 Day: The Last Resort in one final attempt to save their marriage through a couples’ therapy retreat. However, Kalani and Asuelu have had tension between them since the premiere on August 14, when Kalani revealed her husband cheated on her with another woman during a visit to Samoa in fall 2022. At the time, she noticed on a FaceTime call with Asuelu that his tongue was white — a typical sign of an oral yeast infection known as thrush — and she learned that he accepted oral sex from the woman.

Though Kalani wanted to leave Asuelu, he offered to instead give her a “hall pass” to kiss another man. She used the pass with a man named Dallas Nuez, but their encounter escalated to oral sex and then physical sex. Kalani also developed feelings for Dallas and remained in contact with him. While discussing her and Dallas’ relationship, Kalani told Asuelu she noticed their sexual dynamic was different.

“Do you want me to be honest, the difference between you and him, is that when me and you have sex, it’s about you,” Kalanitold her husband on the show. “It’s about what you want. Like you getting what you need from it. With him, it’s about both of us.”

Kalani also revealed on The Last Resort that Asuelu cheated on her 12 times throughout their relationship, including during her pregnancies. This, combined with her relationship with Dallas, has made her unsure if she wants to continue her marriage.