Olivia Jade Seems Nervous in First Vlog Since College Admissions Scandal: ‘Is This Boring?’

Beauty guru Olivia Jade is back! Following her return to YouTube in early December, the young star has finally posted her first vlog. After an extended hiatus from the social media platform, she shared a “Everyday Routine” video on Tuesday, December 17. Though she didn’t acknowledge her alleged role in the college admissions scandal directly, she did acknowledge she’d been “gone for a while.”

In the clip, Olivia, 20, walked fans through her skincare and makeup routine, showing off products like Kylie Skin and Laura Mercier. The star didn’t seem as comfortable behind the camera as she had in past videos, however. “I feel like I haven’t done, like, a sit-down tutorial in so long,” she told her followers in the vlog. “Is this boring?” she asked.

The YouTuber admitted she’s still getting back in the hang of things after taking roughly nine months away from the spotlight. “Just an update, also, I have a vlog that I’m still working on filming. It’s just not done,” she shared. “I wanted to get this video, or really any video, up sooner after my initial video, but I’m not done with it, and I’m still just, like, easing back into it.” She also kept criticizing herself. “Why do I feel like I just said like 400 times in that sentence?” she asked at one point. “I don’t know.”

Later in the video, she even apologized to fans. “Sorry, I keep looking in the view finder. I forget how to do YouTube,” she said. “Actually, let’s be real, I always looked in the view finder, and it was so annoying. Everyone would be like, ‘Look at the camera, dog.’ And I never did.” She also apologized in advance in case her camera died. Though she promised she’d charged it before filming, she seemed to be struggling with the tech. “I’m so confused,” she said.

Despite the fact that the star took a break from social media following the scandal, an insider close to Olivia exclusively told In Touch she doesn’t think the controversy is her “fault.” Instead, she allegedly pointed the blame at parents Lori Loughlin and Massimo Giannulli. “The way Olivia sees it, she didn’t ask her mom to get involved in the admissions scandal. … She’s just trying to get on with things and build a career for herself,” the source said. “The whole situation is causing an even bigger rift between the mother and daughter.”